Mockery

March 06, 2005

Caption this, baby. You know you want to.

Instapundit, in the post I just cited here, writes the following about this photo:

[AP caption:] "Syrian workers hold pictures of Syrian President Bashar Assad as one cuts himself with a knife during a pro-Syrian demonstration in Beirut, Lebanon, Sunday, March 6, 2005. Man cuts himself to show his support and commitment to his president."

[LATER: I didn't notice this the first time, but is it me or does the guy in the middle give the impression that he'd rather be hanging out with the hot chicks? He's my brother, he's into knives and Assad, Mom said to keep an eye on him, what can you do? So, you free Saturday night?]

That's a good caption. Many other good ones spring to mind:

"What do you mean my Ass-ad 4-Ever tattoo looks 'gay'? I'm'a cut you!"

"Give us all your money, infidel! Can you not see that our Judas Priest cover band has so far only been able to afford one Rob Halford wristband?"

"According to DSM-IV, self-injury is a cry for help! Do you hear, little Satan? A cry for help!"

Got any good ones? Put 'em in the comments.

Update: My Pet Jawa's got a contest going on a similar photo.

Posted by EtherPundit at 11:22 PM | Comments (5)

March 02, 2005

Another Rathergate mystery solved! All hail the Queen!

You may recall that, during Rathergate, Dan Rather acquired the evocative nickname "Queen of the Space Unicorns."

At last, he has acknowledged his position as a crowned head of Fantasyland. In an upcoming New Yorker interview, Dan finally confesses his love for his storied kingdom.

In the end, he adds, "I believe in the dream, the magical mystical kingdom of CBS News. It may exist only in our minds, but that makes it no less real."

Just so, your Royal Highness! Just because Killian's magical mystical memos, "Lucy Ramirez," and the AWOL scandal also existed only in the minds of CBS employees doesn't make them any less real, either! I'm tired of these naysayers claiming to be upholding the distinction between "objective truth" and "fevered hallucination."

Your Highness, I implore you to issue a decree banning the insidious emotion of skepticism. For only with their logical minds stilled can your subjects at last learn to cavort merrily through the poppy-strewn Fields of Credulity, heedless of the burdens placed on them by so-called "reality." Free us from the oppression of thought, O Queen! Help us to frolic forever in the magical mystical Kingdom of CBS News!

Update: As you might expect, there's more at Rathergate.com.

Posted by EtherPundit at 06:48 AM | Comments (4)

February 26, 2005

GWOT got ya down? Need a laugh?

Of course you do.

This'll cure what ails ya: The latest revision of combat hand signals.

Posted by EtherPundit at 07:55 PM | Comments (0)

EtherHouse *EXCLUSIVE*! -- More Ward Churchill art!

Regular readers may be surprised, but I think it's time some of us on the right stepped up to defend Ward Churchill. I can't applaud his defense of terrorists and their right — indeed, obligation — to murder "little Eichmanns" (defined as: everyone who died on Sept. 11). I can't condone his instructing his audiences on the most effective ways to carry out terrorism. And, of course, I can't stifle a laugh when I see photos of him in his office, Capitalism Condemnation Central, unironically surrounded by a shiny new iMac and assorted technological trappings.

But let's give credit where credit is due, shall we? Ward Churchill turns out to be a truly important visual artist, with a lot to say about the plight of Native Americans. Michelle Malkin, Myopic Zeal, Brainster, Ace, Say Anything, Speed of Thought, Protein Wisdom, and Confederate Yankee have all had their snarky say about this alleged plagiarism:

"Winter Attack," by Ward Churchill, circa 1980 (Photo: CBS4, Denver)		From "The Mystic Warriors of the Plains," by Thomas E. Mails, published 1972 (Photo: CBS4, Denver)

These self-styled "pundits" are saying that Churchill's art is just a reversed image of Mails'. But it's so easy to mock heartfelt artworks, isn't it, when their message makes us uncomfortable? It's so easy to condemn an image as "derivative" when what we're really trying to do is avert our eyes from the shameful truths it contains.

I ask my readers to reconsider. Thanks to a friend in the Department of Ethnic Studies at the University of Colorado, I was able to obtain some little-known Churchill originals. Regardless of what you think of Churchill's political views, these works show that as an authentic Native American, he is truly committed to salvaging his nearly exterminated culture. For that, and for his innovative artistic vision, even his enemies must respect him.

The keen eye; the fine brushstrokes; the skilled application of chiaroscuro and manipulation of positive and negative space; the use of color to both shock and beguile the eye — all hallmarks of a master craftsman, capable of wielding his awesome technique to repudiate the postmodern even as he elevates it. Churchill's art will do more than just challenge your assumptions about Native and European cultures; it will overturn your outmoded ideas about art itself.

Churchill is no plagiarist! Perhaps coincidentally, the pieces above looked similar. But when you look at the works I'm showing, these EtherHouse exclusives, you'll realize that his vision is wholly original. I defy you to show me any "source" that can remotely claim to have inspired these pieces. You've never seen anything like them, I guarantee!

Now forget politics for a moment, and feel yourself transported to the Great Plains, to a time before the European brought pestilence, theft, and "ethnic cleansing" to the land. Open your mind to Churchill's sensitive explorations of Native American cuture. Let the raw emotion of these blazingly original, inventive images affect you.

"Warrior: Creek Nation of Georgia." Early mosaic work (c. 1967), from the "Creek Nation" series.	"Creek Tomahawk and Stitched Bull Hide." Gouache on board. 1993, from the "Creek Nation" series.
"Hopi Rain Dancer at Rest." Seriegraph. 1990, from the "Woo-Woo Indians, not Dot-Head Indians, Stupid" series.	"White Man Doritos Bags, Beer Cans, and Technology In General Make-um Ward Churchill Heap Big Cry." Lithograph. 1999.
"What You Mean 'WE,' Kemo Sabe?" Oil on linen. 2002.	"Indigenous American, Holding Sacred Smoking Materials Forbidden by Unelected Fascist US Regime, Stares Longingly, Hopelessly Across Florida Straits Towards Free Land of Cuba, Workers' Paradise." Acrylic on fiberglass. 2003.

Posted by EtherPundit at 11:12 AM | Comments (9)

February 25, 2005

How Bush caused all the world's disasters

We Bush voters, of course, are all too well aware that W has caused virtually everything bad that's happened since he took office. Since we are constantly told that Bush is a moronic cokehead chimp, many of us have been left wondering how he was able to cause, for example, a Tsunami. Wouldn't that require some rather sophisticated know-how?

At last, KorlaPundit has explained it all with graphics simple enough for even a FReeper to understand. All Americans who hope to comprehend the perfidy of the current regime owe it to themselves to view the horrifying explanations of ...

How Bush Caused It (an ongoing series).

Posted by EtherPundit at 04:51 PM | Comments (0)

February 23, 2005

Michael Moore porn titles, revisited

Some of you may recall, possibly with an involuntary cringe, the Michael Moore Porn Titles post from a while back. A missive from Confederate Yankee reminded me that I should update the list. Since I first posted, I've realized that several of Moore's titles are porn-worthy just as they are:

TV Nation

("Captain Haddock" had posted "TV/TS Nation" in the comments of the first thread, but I think it's even better just as Moore wrote it)

Pets or Meat

The Big One

.... and his upcoming opus on Big Pharma,

Sicko

In the original post, I asked for more ideas, and Captain Haddock had another good one up his... uh, up his sleeve:

Will They Ever Thrust in Us Again?

Mick McMick, in the comments, switched the assignment around and changed the titles of classic porn films to suit Moore instead:

I Am Curious: Pinko

Behind the Green Party

Insatiable (Good one, Mick!)

And here are the originals:

Rogering Me

Fahrenheit 9.11"

Boweling for Columbine

Canadian Makin' Bacon

Dude, Where's My C*nt?

I'll open up the floor to additions one last time, in case this exercise gets anyone's juices flowing.* Add your titles in the comments.

*I meant creative juices, perv!

Posted by EtherPundit at 08:40 AM | Comments (2)

February 22, 2005

Kinky Talking-Head Slashfic: An idea whose time has come.

A little more than a week ago, in a post about Keith Olbermann's disturbingly borderline-homoerotic obsession with Bill O'Reilly, I mentioned that there was some Olby slash fiction floating around the Web.

Looks like I scooped Wonkette on the slashfic tip! Whaddya know. She posted about Daily Show slashfic on Feb 17, mentioning a few specific sites.

I've thought for a long time that talking-head slashfic must exist out there, and that there should be a site to serve as a clearinghouse for it. I even toyed with the idea of setting up such a site. I hope someone does.

It doesn't have to be only slashfic, either. For example, what cable news watcher/fiction writer wouldn't like to explore what would happen if Chris Matthews and Zell Miller really did duel? Swords or pistols? Who would each choose as a second? Where would the final confrontation take place? In Herald Square, where Matthews' booth was set up during the RNC, or on the floor of Madison Square Garden? Whose honor would be upheld, and whose would be besmirched?

I see a whole subcategory of fanfic on just this topic alone.

Yes, someone should set up this site. Who among us is brave enough to face the inevitable cease-and-desist letters from FOX when a particularly rambunctious piece of Hannity/Colmes slash is posted?

Is there no hero out there?

Posted by EtherPundit at 08:25 AM | Comments (1)

February 12, 2005

Storytelling time with Dr. Dean

I wrote earlier that if I'm going to pop a cork at every piece of post-Nov. 2 good news, it looks like I'll have to buy at least a case of champagne. Howard Dean's ascendency to the DNC chairmanship is just the excuse I've been waiting for to break out another bottle.

In fact, when I read Powerline this afternoon, I realized I might need a magnum. Dean appears to have fallen victim to the "storytelling" meme that seems to be mass-hypnotizing the left. (CNN's Jon Klein recently proudly pledged allegiance to "storytelling." This was, of course, before Eason's fables tarnished whatever was left of their good name.)

(And what a tragic idea to base your strategy on. "Storytelling" — wasn't that what BusHitler was doing when he read "My Pet Goat" to a classroom full of children as the WTC burned? Isn't that what you do when it's bedtime for the kids — tell them a nice little story?)

So this appears to be the brilliant new Democratic strategy: spoonfeeding spin to the childlike American people. Those Jesuslanders will learn to love the Democrats as soon as they understand liberal ideology as a "story." Suddenly, all those failed mid-20th century ideas will seem different, new, and wonderful! And the nice storyteller will tell the audience who the good guys and bad guys are. None of that tiring "deciding for yourself." And we'll all live happily ever after.*

Today, I raise a glass of champagne to Dr. Dean's idea that it's not the contents, it's the wrapping. It's not the facts, but the light in which the facts are conveyed. To Dr. Dean, for believing that all the Democratic Party needs is a more efficient way to polish the turd it keeps offering us every two years. Keep polishing, Dr. Dean! By 2008, I'm sure it'll look like gold! Cheers!

*Just as soon as Princess Hillary vanquishes the bad man, BusHitler.

Posted by EtherPundit at 03:31 PM | Comments (1)

February 11, 2005

Olbermann goes Olber the top.

Poor Keith Olbermann. I think he's finally lost it.

It's been a long, sad road to this unhappy destination. I began to feel his sanity was slipping when I was flipping around the channels on New Year's Eve. It seemed he was devoting about half of his year-end review to O'Reilly's sex-harrassment scandal. I kept flipping away, then flipping past again, and Olby seemed really stuck on the topic. I guess there's not much archival footage relating to the scandal; at one point, he was showing footage of O'Reilly getting into a car. Truly one of the most significant events of 2004, one that must have an honored place in any year-end video rundown: O'Reilly gets into a car. This was interspersed with months-old footage of Olbermann's "Save the Tapes!" campaign. (Guess it was just a slow news year, huh, Keith?)

I turned to the EtherHub and said, "Is it just me, or is there something borderline homoerotic about this guy's obsession with O'Reilly and the tapes?"

Well, I guess it wasn't just me, and it wasn't really borderline either. Olby's cracked up. He's lettin' it all hang out. Olbermannwatch has posted the video here. (Warning: He screams like a little girl, over and over again, pretending O'Reilly is attacking him with a loofah. It'll take more than a loofah to scrub that mental image out of my brain, that's for damn sure.)

It's a paradoxical thing, Olby's O'Reilly obsession. As his ratings have slipped to about one-tenth of O'Reilly's, he fixates more and more on his rival. But consider the messages this sends:

1. Everything O'Reilly does is newsworthy, even things he did (or didn't do) in 1970. Gee, he must be one of the most important people in the world. He's so gosh-darn important, you should probably be watching him right now!
2. If you're watching MSNBC at 8pm, it's probably because you don't want to watch O'Reilly. So here he is! Here are some films and photos of him to set the stage for today's rundown of news about the guy you didn't want to hear about to begin with, or else you'd be watching his show in the first place! Hey, why are you changing the channel to CNN?
3. I, Keith Olbermann, can no longer disguise my quasi-homoerotic obsession with the cruel ratings-master who dominates me. The thought of hearing him discuss his purported tawdry and frankly unimaginative sexual fantasies titillates me to the point of madness. I will now proceed to fixate on my image of him as a college jock, obsessively dissecting minutiae until he notices me. (Oh, why won't he notice me, dammit? Why won't he say my name? It's as if I don't exist! ~sob!~.)

Disturbing update: As I scanned Technorati looking for references to this story, I noticed that I'm not the only one who's picked up on Olbermann's barely-veiled tendencies. Keith Olbermann / Anderson Cooper slashfic,* anyone?

And it's not just Olby, either, update: Al Franken is still fixated on the guy, too. I can't imagine publicly obsessing so unabashedly over anyone, personally. I'd feel like a 13-year-old fan club member. I especially can't imagine giving my rivals so much free publicity. But then, I don't have the sizzling media savvy of the unbeatable Franken/Olbermann Big O-bashing teamup. Perhaps after the show O'lby and O'Franken put their heads on each other's shoulders for a good, manly cry about how mean Fox and O'Reilly are. Poor li'l dudes.

Update: Johnny Dollar has more.

Posted by EtherPundit at 08:42 PM | Comments (3)

February 02, 2005

Photo PROOF that captured "doll" is an actual American operative!

The blogosphere has been abuzz with self-styled "journalists" claiming the John Adam hostage photo is a "hoax." Summaries of the "evidence" were found at blogs such as Powerline, ASV, Myopic Zeal, Backcountry Conservative, and Wizbang. Ace of Spades even created a "humorous" top ten list designed to mock this sickening event, and ScrappleFace joined in the mockery.

However, as the file photo and story below conclusively prove, John Adam IS a real American soldier. Those who find this tragic story an occasion for humor should hang their heads in shame.

 

John Adam in a photo taken by his captors.

File photo of
captured Military Man
John Adam with
other members of
Team America

 

 

 

 

FOX News, February 1 — A jihadi web site today gave Americans shocking evidence that “freedom isn’t free."

Derkaderkistani insurgents, working with terrorist leader al-Zarqawi, have captured Team America member John Adam, an operative under deep cover. A photograph of Adam, bound and seated in front of a flag proclaiming, “There is no god but God and Muhammed is his prophet” was displayed on a web site frequently used by terrorist groups. "Our mujahedeen heroes of Iraq’s Jihadi Battallion were able to capture American military man John Adam,” said a statement on the web site. "If you wish to see his safe return, we demand a hefty f@#%in' fee."

Disturbing proof of the terrorists’ claim to be holding Adam was revealed by Team America Leader Colonel Spotswoode at a hastily arranged press conference. “They appear to have inside intelligence,” said Spotswoode. “Only an insider would know that John holds the official rank of Military Man.”

“Team America members Gary, Chris, Sara, Lisa, and Joe have been deployed to Iraq to save the motherf%$#@ day, yeah,” Spotswoode added, warning the captors, “Terrorists, your game is through, ‘cause now you have to answer to America, F%#@ Yeah!”

Update: In what appears to have been a botched rescue operation, Team America operative Gary Johnston has apparently been captured by Iraqi militants...   Developing...

 

--------------------

But seriously, folks.

I’m proud to say I believe I was the first blogger to detect the "score political points by pwaying wif dollies" meme — see here and here.

I had no idea it would go so far, but honestly, I greatly prefer it to the “beheading actual people” meme.

 

 

 

 

The next kidnap victim?

I have a 12-inch talking Rummy doll. Press a button and he declines to answer questions. Press again and he talks about “known knowns” versus “known unknowns.” Press again and he slyly insults the press corps. Very realistic. May I suggest the jihadis kidnap my Talking Rummy the next time they need to make a big statement? I’d gladly volunteer him to save a real soldier.

Posted by EtherPundit at 12:30 AM | Comments (3)

January 30, 2005

New Memes: A Fearless Prediction from Madame LaEtherPundit!

Welcome, my children! Welcome to the lair of Madame LaEtherPundit! Come close, my children! Gather round! Do not be afraid!

Gather round my crystal ball, and prepare to feel the hair on your necks stand on end as I look into the very future, where mortal eyes dare not see! Please place your $5 donation in the lockbox slot.

NOW, my children, gaze in awe as I predict the headlines not of tomorrow... not of the day after tomorrow... but of sometime late this week!

I see... I see... everywhere, I see long faces. Sad faces! Disappointed faces! No, my children, not of Iraqis — of Democrats! I can almost taste their salty tears as they see their 'quagmire' evaporating before their eyes! As they see their 'insurgents represent the true people's government' shibboleth fading away, the 'Arabs are incapable of democracy' meme vanishing — VANISHING, my children! As the fog vanishes before the dawn!

But look closely. Bend in as I caress the crystal ball, the orb of seers. For if you concentrate, you can see the new meme. It is coming, my children! The new nay-sayers' meme, the very lifeblood of the Bush haters! For they cannot live without new memes, my children, any more than a vampire can live without FRESH BLOOD!

No, no, come back, my dears. Madame LaEtherPundit is sorry she frightened you with tales of Democrats and memes. Come close. Look into the glass. What do you see? I see... I see that "The Elections Were Plagued by Massive Voter Fraud"!

I see that "Many Iraqis Were Disenfranchised, Frightened Away From the Polls by Armed Police"!

I see that "Sunnis Refused to Participate in a Rigged Vote, Rendering the Election Result Illegitimate"!

I see — do I see? Can it be? "High Illiteracy Rates in Iraq Meant Iraqis Didn't Even Know Who They Were Voting For"! They could have been voting for Saddam Hussein; they could have been voting for Pat Buchanan! Who knows? The point is: The elections were a sham of a farce of a mockery, one of many brought to you by Resident Chimpy McOilthief!

Oh, my children. Madame LaEtherPundit is exhausted with her labors. Sometimes the future is a very scary place.

I am going to recline on the divan and fan myself. Please offer your gratuities in the coffee can to the right of the door on your way out.

Posted by EtherPundit at 11:11 PM | Comments (0)

Iraq vote "not legitimate"; Berlin Wall "torn down by a few lawless vandals."

There are many on the left who have never had a positive word to say about anything that's happened in Iraq. I take their silence on this day, as noted by Michelle Malkin, as a very positive sign.

My joy is only tempered slightly by my horror at how close this guy came to sitting in the Oval Office:

And this classic snatching-defeat-from-the-jaws-of-victory quote:

If the current crop of embittered nihilists had been running the news media when the Berlin Wall fell, what a chorus we would have been treated to:

Michael Dukakis: "Let's not overstate the importance of what was, after all, only a purely symbolic stack of bricks and mortar."

Christiane Amanpour, CNN: "Critics charge the Wall's collapse was caused by a Soviet Union whose finances were stretched so thin by Reagan's arms race that they could no longer afford even to maintain the structural integrity and safety of a simple wall."

BBC: "Thousands streamed through the hole, greeting their West German relatives with joy and celebrating late into the night. But some question whether a wall's destruction by a few thousand determined vandals can ever be representative of the will of the East German people as a whole -- an East German people who, as seen in this clip of an East German child flying a kite, were by all accounts very happy under Soviet rule."

Robert Fisk: "While the stammering scarecrow who stole the election from Dukakis perches upon his purloined throne, the people of East Berlin are watching their dreams of unity shattered along with the wall. I stopped a bleeding woman in the street as she ran, sobbing, from the border and back to the East. "The people," she wept, "The people of East Berlin were united in a collective desire for the Worker's Revolution! Then these, these West Berliners — they tore down our beautiful wall, and with it tore down the hopes for a fair and equal society where the capitalist pig cannot peddle his empty consumerist ethos to the downtrodden!" The horror-stricken look in her face still haunts me. In a just world, it would haunt Ronald Ray-Gun to his unmourned grave."

Update: Bill at INDC has a comprehensive, and vitriolic, roundup of nattering nabobs of negativism. PoliBlog continues the roundup of reactions good and bad.

Posted by EtherPundit at 02:27 PM | Comments (0)

January 20, 2005

Mocking Rolling Stone Magazine? I'm on it!

Powerline has asked for "Cover of the Rolling Stone" parodies to address the fact that Rolling Stone has refused to run an ad for a youth-friendly edition of the Bible. They asked for a verse; I've gone one better and done the whole song. You'll note that not all the lines scan perfectly; they didn't in the original song, either. It's elastic that way. (Note: The original song lyrics are here, along with an instrumental MIDI file in case you're overcome with a desire to sing aloud. The MIDI plays automatically, so be warned.)

'Tween the Covers of the Rolling Stone
(apologies to Shel Silverstein, Dr. Hook, and the entire Medicine Show, wherever they may be.)

Now Jesus was a freak
Loved the poor and the weak
He walked barefoot through the Holy Land
Jann Wenner's the guy a
Generation called "messiah"
So you know that Jann, he understands
If Jesus doesn't reach you,
Jann will gladly teach you
Of the evils of conformity
He's an enfant terr-I-ble,
So he'll never let a Bible
'Tween the covers of the Rolling Stone.

(Rolling Stone)
Don't'cha look for the Bible 'tween the covers
(... Stone)
Gotta show that we're still subversive mothers!
(... Stone)
We don't want no Red State readers
'Tween the covers of the Rolling Stone!

In the '60s we were hip
Made your square parents flip
And our writers got their chicks for free
In the '80s our ad brains
Thought us up a campaign
About "perception" and "reality"
We don't want to be told
We're outdated and old
We'll reinvent ourselves again, you'll see
We've had many a revival
But we'll never let a Bible
'Tween the covers of the Rolling Stone.

(Rolling Stone)
Don't'cha look for the Bible 'tween the covers
(... Stone)
Gotta show that we're still subversive mothers!
(... Stone)
We don't want no Red State readers
'Tween the covers of the Rolling Stone!

Now we're all cosmic dancers
Just-a lookin' for the A.N.S.W.E.R.
And we're proud of our open minds
Maybe Marx is the way
Maybe Allah -- who can say?
As Buddha said, "Seek and ye shall find!"
The one place we'd never look
Is in the so-called "Good Book"
'Cause it's just bourgeois philosophy
It stops just short of libel
To suggest we'd put a Bible
'Tween the covers of the Rolling Stone.

(Rolling Stone)
Don't'cha look for the Bible 'tween the covers
(... Stone)
Gotta show that we're still subversive mothers!
(... Stone)
We don't want no Red State readers
'Tween the covers of the Rolling Stone!

Perhaps this will help make up to the Powerlineblog folks for the fact that their anagram just isn't going well. As some of you will recall, I was able to tell the entire Rathergate story using only anagrams of "Instapundit" and again using only anagrams of "Little Green Footballs". Powerline deserves an anagram narrative, but what can I say? They should have named their blog something with an "a" in it. Nevertheless, I have some anagrams, which I'll post soon. They just won't make a coherent narrative. Ah, well.

Update: Welcome, Powerline readers! Check out some of the recent entries to your right, make yourselves at home.

Posted by EtherPundit at 06:47 PM | Comments (2)

November 30, 2004

Oops -- I spilled body wash on the SCSI port!

Patterico snarks amusingly at Brian Williams for saying bloggers "are on an equal footing with someone in a bathroom with a modem." Well, look, Brian -- you big-time media muckety-mucks talk about about having a story "in the can," why can't we? Come on -- 'in' the can, 'on' the can, what's the difference?

Don't knock bathroom-blogging. I personally think of all of my best posts in the shower. 'Course it plays hell on the keyboard, and the noise of the modem is ear-splitting when it echoes on the tiles, but that's how we bloggers do things. You know: In the bathroom. With a modem. A 1200 baud modem, as a matter of fact. 'Cause we're all unemployed and we spent our last grudging largesse from mom on pajamas, and anyway 1200 baud is fast enough when you're enjoying a nice hot shower. With the keyboard clutched in one hand. And a soapy loofah in the other.

Oh, and a note to the author of the article: Don't you dare call me a "self-styled journalist." It's "soi-disant journalist" to you, pal.

Update: Hindrocket at PowerLine relates an odd encounter with Williams and asks:

What's next, nude blogging from our hot tubs?

Two predictions: First, I will get a pathetically large number of Google hits just for repeating the strings "nude blogging" and "hot tubs."

Second, it won't be long before some enterprising soul combines the nude webcam concept with the blogging concept, and starts blogging in real time on a webcam while nude in a hot tub.

Please, don't let it be Oliver Willis.

Update: INDC Journal has a photo of Brian Williams' vision.

Posted by EtherPundit at 11:53 PM | Comments (2)

November 13, 2004

"Pretending" to be a 3-year-old? The whining sounds real enough.

WSJ's Best of the Web Today reports on the sad decline that has befallen many a Democrat since the election (highlights mine):

More female caretakers said Wednesday that a Charleston financial adviser pretended to be a 3-year-old, made them change his diaper and tried to grope them.

Charleston police Detective S.A. Dempsey said that several more home health-care workers alleged that William Warren Mucklow victimized them.
...

Some alleged victims--all women--told police they responded to classified ads that sought a caretaker for a mentally ill man who acts like a toddler, Dempsey said. . . .

No confirmation yet that "William Mucklow" is actually a pseudonym for "Lawrence O'Donnell," whose crybaby crankiness of late reveals that he desperately needs his diaper changed. He could probably use a time-out too.

Hell, I'm old-fashioned. Forget the time-out. I say give the whiny brat a spanking.

Posted by EtherPundit at 06:53 PM | Comments (0)

November 07, 2004

Now it can be told: The real mastermind behind Bush's election

It wasn't Karl Rove. Oh, Karl's a crafty one. But he didn't clinch it.

Just for fun, just to keep the post-election euphoria going for another few hours — let's savor the plump, porcine presence of the real Bush re-election mastermind one more time.

Anyone recognize that poor dowdy sack o' misery sandwiched between the peanut farmer and the fat-farm refugee? She's probably still trying to scrub off the loser stink.

---------

Okay, okay. I know I shouldn't be gloating. I know it's wrong. I haven't posted yet about how I've felt living as a deeply closeted libertarianish Bush booster for the last four years in the darkest heart of liberal New York. I haven't told you how profoundly bullied I've felt inside. But I can tell you this: I've been flying since Tuesday. Every other brownstone in my neighborhood still sports a large "We the People say NO to the Bush Agenda" rainbow flag draped across its front. How can I not rejoice (inside, of course, only inside)?

I've been on vacation all week. I could barely stand the Bushitler hubbub at its steady bubbling-under pre-election levels, let alone at its climax. Tomorrow I go back to the office and face the parade of long-faced mourners traipsing through my path. "Tsk," I'll say in a too-resigned-to-really-care-anymore way when my bosses curse the fates, the Fox News Network, and the Diebold Corporation.

Inside, deep inside my closet, I'll laugh just a little. It feels so good, and I owe myself a little relief.

Heh.^TM

"Heh" is a trademark of the Instapundit International Sinister Rightwing Consortium.

Posted by EtherPundit at 10:57 PM | Comments (1)

I could have told you, Michael: This world was never meant for one so beautiful as you.

Michael Moore has finally broken his post-election silence with a post on his website. Apparently his followers have more than one thing in common with lemmings; he seems to suspect that they may be on the brink of committing mass suicide.

Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let's, in the words of Monty Python, “always look on the bright side of life!” There IS some good news from Tuesday's election.

He then lists 17 rather forlorn reasons for his followers to continue living. Powerline has enlisted the blogosphere's help in countering these arguments. I’ve read Powerline religiously throughout the election season, so I feel duty-bound to answer the call.

I'm a bit ambivalent about encouraging Moore's followers to go ahead and, "in the words of Monty Python," shuffle off their mortal coil, run down the curtain and join the bleedin' choir invisible. Oh, the Moorians are annoying, it's true, but it's my opinion that Bush couldn't have won the election without the Dems' warm embrace of Moore at their convention — and Tom Daschle's literal embrace of Moore may have lost him just enough votes to end the career of everyone's least favorite hatchet-faced obstructionist.

So it is with great regret that I say: Michael, thanks to you and your followers for helping the GOP to victory. But your work here is done, so to counter your "17 reasons not to slit your wrists", I offer you:

1. Be honest: Is life worth living under a Bushitler regime? Think of it: The Chimp’s smirking mug leering at you every day for four years… every day… and remember, dying only hurts for a minute. I’m just saying. (Every day! Even on NPR, you’ll hear his voice when they do the news! And on Morning Edition! Even on All Things Considered!)
2. No more earnings to be taxed to fund fictitious wars fought by fictitious presidents.
3. It'll definitively answer the question: "Bush lied; Who died?"
4. It will show solidarity with the poor downtrodden Palestinians, whose highest goal in life has always been suicide in the service of defeating the Zionist war machine.
5. If suicide is accomplished with firearms, it will serve to reinforce the thesis of Bowling for Columbine: Those craven Americans sure are obsessed with guns and killing.
6. Fuel for several years' worth of moonbat conspiracy theories; doesn't it seem a bit too convenient that Bushitler's sworn enemies should all start killing themselves at once?
7. Sudden demand for body bags would further increase petroleum prices, reinforcing the absurdity of Bushitler's war for cheap oil.
8. Won't be around to feel the pain when Castro and Arafat depart this earthly plane. (Hurry — Arafat's in the departure queue!)
9. It's the only way you can crash the Pearly Gates and get that hostile ambush interview with God.
10. You can found a new PAC to support the mass suicide: PassOn.org.
11. Must die soon, or Dan Rather won't be able to cover your death.
12. Help George Soros make back some of the money he lost backing Kerry — give him a heads-up before you do it and he can game the dead pools.
13. If you work quickly, you'll have time to prepare a place in Hell for the soon-to-arrive hordes of heroic Fallujah "Minutemen."
14. You'll be right at home in Hell. It's a blue state.
15. Shoo-in to have special montage created to honor you at next year's Cannes, to the tune of a melancholy rendition of "We Shall Overcome."
16. You'll still be able to vote, especially in Chicago.
17. Two words: President Giuliani.

(A new blog, IgnoreMoore, has countered Moore’s list with a point-by-point Fisking, in the unthinkable event that anyone finds the above list insufficiently persuasive.)

 

Posted by EtherPundit at 12:09 PM | Comments (3)