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March 06, 2005
How to carry a man-purse without looking gay.
Spoons reports on a trend retailers are trying to push: The Man-Purse. He cites a Chicago Tribune article that includes this quote:
"It's not like you're carrying a teacup poodle," says "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" fashion guru Carson Kressley. "Get over it."
I trust my dude-gendered readers are savvy enough not to take advice on how not to look gay from Queer Eye's Carson.
So step aside, Queer Eye dudes. Make way for:
Breeder Eye for the Hopelessly Hetero Guy.
Breeder-Girl EtherPundit here, HH Guys. The first thing you need to know is that inability to understand or care about what you wear comes with the Y chromosome. Most gay men can't muster any interest either. (Shhh! Let's keep their little secret!)
As you know, all fashion trends are designed to make you feel foolish if you don't buy into them, and make you look like a pathetic, insecure poseur if you do buy into them. So you're safe continuing to ignore all articles about what other guys are allegedly wearing.
"But Breeder-Girl," you say, "I read that article about the purse, the man-purse, and even though it looks, well, y'know, gay — not that there's anything wrong with that — it seems so handy! I'm confused! I wish I could carry a purse and not look gay!"
Well, there IS a way to pull it off. First, ignore the man-purse, boy-satchel, dude-sack peddlers. And definitely ignore Carson Kressley.
Next, get a woman's purse. The more feminine, the better. Clutch it in your big burly hands. Look awkward. Hey presto! you're there.
Because, for some reason, nothing in the world makes a man look more manly than uncomfortably holding his woman's dainty purse. Even if there's no female within a 10-mile radius, I guarantee that any straight man who sees you will assume you've been separated from your woman and stuck with custody of her bag.
And no one will ever know that you're carrying a man-purse.
Update: Right Wing News is on the case — er, purse — too.Posted by EtherPundit at March 6, 2005 02:20 PM Category: Media , Personal stories